You’ve Done Self Care. You’ve Languished. Now Try This.; The New York Times, February 13, 2022

Brad Stulberg, The New York Times; You’ve Done Self Care. You’ve Languished. Now Try This.

"If you don’t know where to begin, a good place to start is by reflecting on what matters to you most, what provides you with a sense of well-being and groundedness. Then ask yourself how to apply that activation energy strategically. What actions will give you the oomph you need? For example, if improving your fitness would make you feel better, you might start with 30 minutes of daily movement. If creativity is what you’re missing, writing for an hour three days per week could restart that engine. If you lack loving connection, try planning an adventure (that feels safe) with your family or friends, or even schedule time for physical intimacy with a partner. You may not feel like getting started, but get started anyway, then see what happens. Your doing influences your being.

This isn’t to suggest that you beat yourself up or give yourself a drill-sergeant lecture every morning. Indeed, a key step in the strategy is accepting its imperfections. Many of us are operating in less-than-ideal circumstances — dealing with illness, financial stress, work anxiety, a lack of child care. Overcoming the inertia of languishing requires fierce self-discipline — and a fierce compassion for oneself. You may think of these two qualities as opposites, but they are not. Research shows that being kind to yourself during hardships and challenges can increase resilience and strength.

A mantra I use in my own life is, “This is what’s happening right now. I’m doing the best that I can. Just get going, and see what happens.” I remind myself that sometimes the kindest thing I can do for myself is also the hardest thing to do — and that what seems hard today might just make tomorrow feel a bit easier."