Manage a Difficult Conversation with Emotional Intelligence; Harvard Business Review, 6/19/14

Susan David, Harvard Business Review; Manage a Difficult Conversation with Emotional Intelligence:

"Emotions cannot be ignored. In fact, research suggests that suppressing your emotions – deciding not to say something when you’re upset – can lead to bad results. Have you ever yelled at your spouse or child after a frustrating day at work – a frustration that had nothing to do with him or her? That’s what psychologists refer to as “emotional leakage.” When you bottle up your feelings, you’re likely to express your emotions in unintended ways instead, either sarcastically or in a completely different context. Suppressing your emotions is associated with poor memory, difficulties in relationships, and physiological costs (like cardiovascular health problems). Emotions matter.

When Karl came to me with questions about his upcoming meeting, I walked him through a plan based on the principles of emotional intelligence. This plan would help him acknowledge logic and emotion during the meeting...

Emotionally intelligent leaders are aware of what causes their emotions, and they also think through what outcomes are most desirable...

Emotions aren’t just the result of a workplace conflict. In fact, emotions usually are the conflict. They need to be acknowledged and planned for. Recognizing emotions, assessing their impact on thinking, understanding them, and managing them is a roadmap for navigating through those often-murky (and anxiety-provoking) waters."